The Ask Chris Valentine Special: Batman vs. the Pickup Artist
By Chris Sims
Q: How would Batman have foiled The Art Gallery Scheme? — @NielJacoby
A: Ah, Valentine’s Day, a time when one’s thoughts turn inevitably to the complex art of love and dating. Well, that’s how it is for most people, anyway; I tend to just think about Batman, no matter what day it is. With this question, though, I can do both at the same time, because the infamous Art Gallery Scheme is not some daring heist in Gotham City.
It’s actually an elaborate scam set up to woo a lady, as envisioned by that douchebag Mystery.
For those of you who may not be familiar with Mystery, he refers to himself as a “Pickup Artist,” which basically means that he dresses like Dragon*Con threw up on him and tries to lure women into bed through a combination of stage magic and psychological manipulation. Throw all those factors in together — the flamboyant costuming, the ruthless methods, the card tricks, the fact that his name is “Mystery” — and he’s basically the closest thing the real world has to one of the Arch-Criminals from Batman ’66.THIS TIME WITH QUOTES!
This part’s pretty genius:
“Usually, that bluffing just takes the form of subtle insults that chip away at a lady’s self-esteem until she’s vulnerable enough to be led like a scolded puppy into night of regrettable passion.”
Seriously. Go read this. Sims totally killed it.
